Says the Girl

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Image via Rock Cakes

I wish I had a bicycle on days like today. The temperature is holding just below stifling outside, and already, I am having to run my training miles for my upcoming half marathon before the sun comes up {says the girl who hates to sweat}. Three weeks and counting until the race and as fate would have it, Race Day and Moving Day have fallen on the Exact Same Day. Although I am well aware that I am risking my sanity, my marriage, and my lower limbs by cramming a marathon and a move into the same day, I am already thinking about getting a bike and training for a triathlon {says the girl who never made any sports team she ever tried out for EVER IN HER WHOLE LIFE.} Thankfully music received me or else I would go through my entire existence an athletically challenged clod with a coordination complex the size of Serena Williams’ Nike sneaker. Yesterday, I messaged my triathlon girlfriend who sweats a lot but still looks magazine perfect to ask her where a newbie-cyclist such as myself would even start to purchase a bike. I assume those pants with the massive padding in the seat are also essential, but I can picture myself going into a cycling shop asking for the pants with the massive padding in the seat and, “By the way, do you have any Schwinn 10-speeds I can test drive?” After the salesman laughs his seat padding off, I’m sure he would see it as the opportunity of a lifetime to sell me loads of “essentials” that I don’t actually need. The stress of it all makes me want to go write a country song for all the other clumsies who always got picked last for kick ball. No, I’m not bitter.

Do you have a bike? If so, can you give me some beginning pointers and spare me from embarrassing myself in front of a retail salesperson {says the girl who walked into a RUNNING shop last week and tripped on the welcome mat and stumbled into the clearance rack.}

It actually happened.

Happy Tuesday, everyone!

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