Project: Sanity 2013

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My friends seem to know that something isn’t right when I go AWOL on the blogosphere. All of a sudden my inbox subject lines read, “Had you on my mind” and “just checking in”, and after a few weeks my best friend inevitably asks me, “Why don’t you blog anymore?” I tell her I’m in a funk and she suggests writing my way out of it and I moan something about being afraid of what might actually come out if I start typing and how I ought to take up dog grooming as a hobby instead and whine, whine, whine… so here I am. It’s just that when reality hits you between the eyes and all you see in front of you is a kaleidoscope hail storm of events pelting the heck out of the hood of your LIFE, no amount of disaster insurance, Pinterest therapy, or episodes of Scandal is enough to untangle your headspace. The good news is, my blurry vision as of late is slowly coming into focus. Every once in a while a girl just needs to get reacquainted with those things that make her feel more like herself… not Mommy, Housekeeper, Bookkeeper…ZOOkeeper. Some women make New Year’s Resolutions and post them on their fridge, their bathroom mirror, or their Evernote. Lately, I have felt perhaps a Top 10 list of things that make me feel more like myself entitled Project: Sanity 2013 might be just what I need to get me over this bump.

#10. Running
Bottom Line: Running is cheap therapy.

#9. Nora Ephron
Writer, Director, Producer, and what I like to call Master of the art of everyday dialogue, Nora Ephron wrote and directed some of the most loved romantic comedies of our time such as When Harry Met Sally, Sleepless in Seattle, Something’s Gotta Give, and Julie & Julia. Just for kicks, comment below with your favorite Nora-character quote. Mine would have to be…

(From Sleepless in Seattle)
Sam Baldwin: What is “tiramisu”?
Jay: You’ll find out
Sam Baldwin: Well, what is it?
Jay: You’ll See!
Sam Baldwin: Some woman is gonna to want me to do it to her and I’m not going to know what it is.
Jay: You’ll love it.

#8. British Life
Speaking of brilliant novelists, Jane Austen’s Pride & Prejudice just turned 200 this week. (I will pause while you do a cartwheel). No really. Whether it is pop/rock music or a hot basket of fish and chips, I for one believe the Brits hold the corner market on all that makes like worth celebrating. They gave us the Beatles, J.K. Rowling, Will and Kate, Antiques Roadshow… should I go on? Who are we kidding really? God Himself speaks in a British accent. Therefore, in an attempt to be more like my Lord and Savior, last week I ordered my Tall Skinny Hazelnut Misto at the Starbucks drive-thru in a British accent. For some, getting out into nature helps them to commune with the Divine. As for me… it is “ma’am and in ‘ham’ not ma’am as in ‘palm’ “.

#7. Anne Lamott
For all those who must laugh to keep from crying. Hilarious, self-pity-less, and wit-wealthy, author Anne Lamott can either make her readers stop feeling sorry for themselves or laugh so hard they forgot what they were upset about in the first place. I recommend her book Operating Instructions to every new mother and mom-to-be. Like I always say, “Put the Baby Wise book down and walk away slooowly.”

#6. My passport
I found it the other day and I gave it a seat at the dinner table. Granted, it is on life-support, but it still bears a faint unexpired pulse and faded ink stamps as proof that one time I travelled far beyond my current 2 mile radius and re-run episodes of Dora the Explorer. Sigh.

#5. The Sopranos
I’m not talking about Tony and Carmella but rather Whitney, Faith, Mariah, Martina, Celine, Kelly, and Christina.  All I have to do is crank one of these vocalists loud enough so I can belt my lungs out without hearing myself and suddenly, I’ve shoved all my inner-angst into a C6 (give or take a few half-steps) and I am waving my chiffon on the bow of the Titanic… near, far, whereEEEVVEERR you are… sing it with me….

#4. Red Velvet Cake

#3. Orange Juice with extra pulp

#2. A bottle of tropical flavored antacids upon consuming large quantities of Red Velvet Cake and Orange Juice with Extra Pulp

…and the #1 Life Line of Project: Sanity 2013:

#1. My Morning Filling Station

Trust me when I say, I am Joan Crawford covered in cold cream beating the shower curtain to shreds with a toilet wand yelling “NO WIRE HANGERS!” unless I have my 6AM quiet time… time to read, meditate, caffeinate, and take a deep breath before plunging into the madness of the following 16 hours.

… and if none of the above works to help me feel more like, well… Me, I am hereby hitting the tanning beds and changing my name to Olivia Pope.

Have a great week!

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